Home but not Unchanged

This week I learned that it is harder to come home from a mission than I thought it would be. Maybe it is good that I didn't worry about it that much when I was out though. Because as Jesus says in Matthew 6:34 "Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof" and we should deal with the problems as they come and not look into the future and try to deal with those problems as well when it is impossible. One thing that missionaries don't and probably won't understand while on their missions is how complex and confusing daily decisions can be when you are exposed to all of the world's distractions. But one thing I realized while talking to a friend is that we cannot fulfil the purpose of life while on a mission. We came to the earth to experience the difficult situations and decisions that this life would provide. As a missionary a lot of those distractions are stripped away and the decisions are simplified to help us focus and center ourselves. But there comes a time for that it end and that comes when we have learned everything we could in that environment.

That said, I am currently learning to feel comfortable in a familiar environment again when I am no longer the same person. It's a moving forward. It's learning to not try to go back to exactly the person I was before my mission, or holding on too hard to the person I was on my mission. It is having enough faith to trust the Lord that He sees an even better person that I can become in my future. It is being ready to leave the past in the past but still letting it be a part of me. We are not who we were, we are not who we are right now, we are who we can become. And I am once again in the process of becoming. And that is the purpose of life.

I keep almost asking people to leave the room with me when I need to go get something. I keep speaking German it my family and they can't understand. And introducing myself as Sister Leonard. The worst returned missionary reaction was actually on Sunday. A member of my ward who was in my seminary class is leaving on a mission this Wednesday. He gave his farewell, and afterwards he came up to me to give me a hug. As he came in for it, I had the most panicked expression on my face ever! Then I realized that I could hug him. It was really embarrassing.

I have been trying hard to just keep doing the little things like reading the scriptures and saying my prayers. I had a cool experience on the flight back home. I had been traveling for three days, and I was tired and didn't really feel like reading my scriptures. I said a quick prayer and asked God to help me to have the desire and concentration to read them, and then started. I soon got really excited about reading them, and read for an hour. Then I got up to go to the bathroom, and one of the flight attendants started talking to me. He asked me about my nametag (I miss it so much.) and we started talking about the church. He had a ton of questions. It ended up leading to me teaching him the first lesson and giving him a card with the church's website on it. I know that I had the opportunity to have that experience because I did the little things and had the desire to serve still. And I want to continue to do that every day that I am home.