Butterfly Wings

The adjustment back to school has not been easy. I love most of my classes, but leaving my family and social support group for the third time this year has been difficult. It is easy to feel lost and overlooked in such a big school, especially because I am not in a major yet. I miss my family and my mission. I was beginning to feel like no one cared about me or anyone else who was struggling, but there was a lot this week that contradicted that fear. Last Sunday, Karina convinced me to go to ward prayer even though I was nervous about it. I was just standing there awkwardly, until I overheard two people next to me talking about Dungeons and Dragons. I joined in on the conversation, and ended up having a super long conversation with them. I made some new friends just because of where I was standing when I went to ward prayer. On Friday, I was leaving my German class, and I wasn't feeling the best. I was really worried about the next paper that was due on Monday, and I wante...

This week I have been focusing on trying to build relationships. I don't have a lot of close friends right now, and so I am trying to cultivate old relationships and build new ones. One thing I have realized as I have done this is that relationships require a lot of forgiveness on both sides. As imperfect people we hurt each other with varying degrees of severity every day. It is impossible to avoid, and the closer and more vulnerable we are with the person, the more we can hurt them and be hurt. As I was thinking about this, I realized that forgiveness is simply accepting the complexity of a human being. Forgiveness is the process of realizing that people are more than what they did to us, and giving them a chance to be better. This doesn't necessarily mean letting them back into our lives, though. It could simply mean not talking bad about them to a bunch of people, and letting go of the desire to get back at them.  It is allowing them to be imperfect just like we all need ...

I believe that faith, trust, and integrity go hand in hand. What I mean by that is that you cannot have one without the others. Faith is hope for things that are not seen but are true, trust is believing God when he reveals these things to you, and integrity is sticking to that faith and trust even when everything and everyone else is trying to contradict it. This is what my first week at school has been: a practice in faith, trust, and integrity. My brain likes to tell me things like no one loves me, I was not patient enough with someone else so I am a horrible person, I can never do well in my classes, or that I am just not good enough to be anyone's friend. Disagreeing with your own brain is never easy, so it is a practice in faith, trust, and integrity to remember that God is there for me and that everything is going to be ok. And he sends me little things every day to help me know that. This week I broke down crying on a bench near the Joseph Fielding Smith building. Cryin...