That great and last sacrifice

The adjustment back to school has not been easy. I love most of my classes, but leaving my family and social support group for the third time this year has been difficult. It is easy to feel lost and overlooked in such a big school, especially because I am not in a major yet. I miss my family and my mission. I was beginning to feel like no one cared about me or anyone else who was struggling, but there was a lot this week that contradicted that fear.

Last Sunday, Karina convinced me to go to ward prayer even though I was nervous about it. I was just standing there awkwardly, until I overheard two people next to me talking about Dungeons and Dragons. I joined in on the conversation, and ended up having a super long conversation with them. I made some new friends just because of where I was standing when I went to ward prayer.

On Friday, I was leaving my German class, and I wasn't feeling the best. I was really worried about the next paper that was due on Monday, and I wanted to write it well. As I was walking out, one the of guys from my class, Jackson, caught up to me and started talking to me. I wasn't super responsive because I was stressed, but he kept talking to me. He asked where I was going, and I said I needed to get lunch. He also was going to the Cougareat to get lunch so we walked together. We ended up speaking German together and reminiscing about our missions, and then we got lunch together. He waited for me for 10 minutes while I waited for my food, and we talked for an hour. It meant a lot to me that someone wanted to spend time with me, and it helped me feel better about missing my mission because I was able to speak German and talk about my mission for so long.

Yesterday, I was playing a Dungeons and Dragons with some friends over the internet. I was feeling better, and these friends always make me happy so I was laughing a lot. Afterwards, I was talking to my roommate Majdah, and I apologized for making so much noise. She told me "It's ok, I have been meaning to tell you that I like your laugh. It makes me happy too. You should laugh more." This meant a lot, especially since I haven't been laughing every much these past couple of weeks.

I am going to start volunteering at a hospital, and I am so excited. I have my final training on October 4th, and then I can start. Every time I have been in the hospital I have just been overwhelmed with a feeling of happiness. It reminds me that happiness does not come from good things happening to us, it comes from doing good things for other people. As the people this week reached out to me, I want to reach out to others who are also feeling a little outcast. Because Jesus does the same for us. As my favorite scripture, Isaiah 53:3-5, says:

"3 He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not.
4 Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.
5 But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed."

He was outcast and downtrodden, but he didn't let that stop him from bearing our griefs. He used it to help him understand us and love us, and eventually perform that great and last sacrifice. This week I am going to focus on using my fear and loneliness to help other people. Because there is no point in getting lost in my own head.