A Personal Witness of Christ
For those of you who know me well, you know that last semester was difficult for me. When I stopped writing last semester, a girl had just committed suicide on BYU campus, and this greatly upset me. I have struggled with anxiety for a while, and I related to her too well. The last month or two have been ones of healing, and I have learned to see God's hand in my life more than ever before. I become a temple worker on Saturday afternoons, and started volunteering at a hospital. I learned to simplify, and how to just hang on when I having bad days. I prayed intensely, and have seen many miracles.
As I was reading John 1 this morning, I realized that, like John, I also have something important to share. I have a personal witness of Christ. A testimony hard won through experience. I know that Christ is my Redeemer! As a consequence of being a constant worrier, I don't have very much that I am always certain of. Growing up, I had every question in the book about the gospel. I had to build faith that Joseph Smith was really a prophet and not just tricking us, that we need Christ and can't just suffer for our own sins, that God leads the church even in the many mistakes that we make, and that God loves me as much as he loves His sons. Even as I asked these questions, my testimony was built on the foundation that I knew God loved me, and I trusted Him to be there in wisdom and kindness.
High school was rough, and I decided that there was no point in being optimistic if God did not exist. I could see no other way that there could be light in the world if what I had learned about Jesus' sacrifice wasn't true. I decided that if it wasn't true, I was going to give up on life. I knelt down, and asked God if He was there and loved me, just as I had always been taught. What followed was an overwhelmed feeling of love, and a knowledge that he was there, and that everything I had every learned was true. From that moment, I knew that my Father was there, and that no matter what happened, He would help me accomplish my complete time here on this earth even with my sensitivities.
Since that day, I have received many witnesses of this truth. It has not been easy. Many times I have prayed for God to take this trial from me. Every time, he has patiently told me to wait, to wait and to trust Him that it is for my good. He many not have given this difficulty to me, but in His wisdom He has deemed it important for me to wade through it for now. On my mission I had the opportunity to see some of that wisdom. I was able to have compassion and understand for people who had questions, because I had had so many of those same questions myself. I have become so much closer to my Father because I have to depend on Him every single day, sometimes to simply decide again to cling to life. He has sent countless people into my life to help, and He has answered every prayer, even when I haven't recognized it at the time. He is my Father and loves me with and endless love and is always there to receive me when I need to rest in His arms.
Christ is my hope in this world. Without Him the pessimists are right, but with Him they are hilariously wrong. With Him, everyone can become like God, and has the ability to change. With Him, we are once again all inherently good. With him, we are able to see our Father again. With Him, we can receive the power not only to become better, but also to receive the desire to try to be better. He knows exactly how we feel, and has endless compassion and love for us. He is our Alpha and Omega because He is how we are able to even begin the journey back to God, and He will cross the finish line with us at the end of this life. He makes forgiveness and healing possible, not just for our sins, but helps to forgive and heal from the sins of others when they hurt us. He makes a whole again! He can give us our innocence back! There is no other way that we can be healed. No other source that we can look to. He is hope, optimism, and love. The only true Savior, and the only way to be truly reconciled to God.
I know this with every fiber of my being. I know He is there! I may question every other aspect of my life regularly, but whenever I try to question this knowledge, I cannot. I know it too well. Even on my hardest days, I cannot deny it. I know my Redeemer lives, that God is my Father, and that the Holy Spirit can lead us back to Them.
As I was reading John 1 this morning, I realized that, like John, I also have something important to share. I have a personal witness of Christ. A testimony hard won through experience. I know that Christ is my Redeemer! As a consequence of being a constant worrier, I don't have very much that I am always certain of. Growing up, I had every question in the book about the gospel. I had to build faith that Joseph Smith was really a prophet and not just tricking us, that we need Christ and can't just suffer for our own sins, that God leads the church even in the many mistakes that we make, and that God loves me as much as he loves His sons. Even as I asked these questions, my testimony was built on the foundation that I knew God loved me, and I trusted Him to be there in wisdom and kindness.
High school was rough, and I decided that there was no point in being optimistic if God did not exist. I could see no other way that there could be light in the world if what I had learned about Jesus' sacrifice wasn't true. I decided that if it wasn't true, I was going to give up on life. I knelt down, and asked God if He was there and loved me, just as I had always been taught. What followed was an overwhelmed feeling of love, and a knowledge that he was there, and that everything I had every learned was true. From that moment, I knew that my Father was there, and that no matter what happened, He would help me accomplish my complete time here on this earth even with my sensitivities.
Since that day, I have received many witnesses of this truth. It has not been easy. Many times I have prayed for God to take this trial from me. Every time, he has patiently told me to wait, to wait and to trust Him that it is for my good. He many not have given this difficulty to me, but in His wisdom He has deemed it important for me to wade through it for now. On my mission I had the opportunity to see some of that wisdom. I was able to have compassion and understand for people who had questions, because I had had so many of those same questions myself. I have become so much closer to my Father because I have to depend on Him every single day, sometimes to simply decide again to cling to life. He has sent countless people into my life to help, and He has answered every prayer, even when I haven't recognized it at the time. He is my Father and loves me with and endless love and is always there to receive me when I need to rest in His arms.
Christ is my hope in this world. Without Him the pessimists are right, but with Him they are hilariously wrong. With Him, everyone can become like God, and has the ability to change. With Him, we are once again all inherently good. With him, we are able to see our Father again. With Him, we can receive the power not only to become better, but also to receive the desire to try to be better. He knows exactly how we feel, and has endless compassion and love for us. He is our Alpha and Omega because He is how we are able to even begin the journey back to God, and He will cross the finish line with us at the end of this life. He makes forgiveness and healing possible, not just for our sins, but helps to forgive and heal from the sins of others when they hurt us. He makes a whole again! He can give us our innocence back! There is no other way that we can be healed. No other source that we can look to. He is hope, optimism, and love. The only true Savior, and the only way to be truly reconciled to God.
I know this with every fiber of my being. I know He is there! I may question every other aspect of my life regularly, but whenever I try to question this knowledge, I cannot. I know it too well. Even on my hardest days, I cannot deny it. I know my Redeemer lives, that God is my Father, and that the Holy Spirit can lead us back to Them.
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