Pencils and Pens

In high school I used to write in pencil. I was afraid of making mistakes, especially spelling mistakes, and I wanted to make sure I could always fix them. I loved erasers especially because they could make those mistakes disappear. I would often go back a fix my mistakes in notes I took from months ago. I would even write in my journal in pencil. Then, my senior year, I went back and looked a a journal that I had kept a couple of years ago. The pencil was fading and it was hard to read the words I had written when I was younger. I was upset, and I took it to my mom. She told me that pencils fade after a while, and that often something written in pencil would eventually fade away completely.
I really took this to heart when I got to college and I changed my mind. I started taking all my notes in pen. I bought a pack of multicolored pens and I would take notes in a different color for each class. I would get pen all over my hands, and I had to cross out tons of stuff, but note taking was suddenly a happy rainbow mess. I liked to joke to my friends that you could tell what classes I had had that day by the colors of pen that I had all over my hands. I realized that in high school I was trading permanence for the assurance that I could always fix all of my mistakes. I didn't have the confidence to make mistakes, and that was holding me back from making a more permanent, and happy, impression on the world. If I could never make mistakes, I could also not leave my unique and colorful mark on the world. I am loud sometimes. I do weird things. I can be childlike and excitable. I sing when I walk down the street. I talk to random people in public. In my classes, a lot of people remember me that I have never met because I comment in class a lot. I dress how I want, and dance by myself. I like cartoons and fantasy, but I also love learning and am really nerdy. I get a lot of weird looks, but I also make a lot of new friends. I make a lot of mistakes, but I also make my colorful happy mark on the world. Sometimes I need to remind myself, but it is ok to be Katie.