Butterfly Wings

 I haven’t written in a while. There has been a reason for that: I had some parts of myself that I was becoming aware of that I wasn’t ready to share with the world. Things I was keeping hidden because I didn’t know how to handle them myself, much less how I could expect others to react to them. Things that have been part of me for a while. But, recently, I decided to come out. I am queer. I currently identify as pansexual and non-binary, but as most people in the queer community understand, those labels are transient ways of explaining how my experience is different. When people talk about how “those labels aren’t the most important part about you” they don’t seem to understand that we get that. Those labels are a way of trying to build community and explain our experience, and nothing else.  But I digress. As most of you know, I have picked a new name to go by: Jay. I chose this name, because it has deep meaning for me. A Jay is a type of butterfly, a beautiful black one with deep em

 My spouse and I live with roommates. It’s been great, because we get along well, and it’s like having your own support system that you live with. We like to drive to church together, but as we are all young adults getting there on time can be what I like to refer to as “a struggle bus.” Our struggle bus was having a hard time yesterday morning, and we made it to church halfway through the sacrament while the bread was being passed. As the prayer on the water was being said, I resigned myself to not getting the sacrament this week, because we hadn’t gotten the bread yet. Then, I deacon came over, holding a tray with both bread and water. In that moment I felt seen. I felt like God saw my efforts and accepted them, even as they weren’t perfect.